balance

i've decided balance is a myth. it is unattainable. it seems i will always be swinging somewhere between chaos and sanity when it comes to "balancing" classes, internship, work, friends, family, sleep, exercise, money, eating right, and spending time with Jesus. i mean really, do you know anyone that just "gets it right"? i don't. really if someone said they could do it all, i'm not so sure i would believe them anyway.

i wish i had more encouraging or cheerful things to say about this, but right now i don't. i am just trying to keep it together. God has been good, he has been speaking, encouraging, empowering...but he has not been balancing, and neither have i. i have had many moments in the past few days i have felt inadequate, frustrated, tired, defeated, and just over it. yet i have also had moments of victory, encouragement, rest, and lifting of the heart. it is almost as if i had balance, i would not experience either of these things. things would just be "ok." normal (whatever that is). it is the up and down and all around that makes the good appreciated and the bad a motivator to turn to the Lord. I have said it before...i don't know what people do who aren't saved and don't have God to rely on.

he may be my crutch, but gosh darn it, i NEED a crutch.

that's me tonight. that's all i got.